Introducing Daniel Cleaver
by anja-boyce
Summary: Daniel Cleaver, a womaniser. This story begins as he tells his story of the day he emailed Bridget. He tells you it from his perspective. Please read and review this!
1. The single life

Disclaimer: I own nothing relating to Bridget Jones. Other than the book, that is sitting in my shelf!

Introducing Daniel Cleaver by Anja Boyce

My name is Daniel Cleaver. I work in a publishing firm in London and do you know what? … Life couldn't be better! I'm single and if I don't say so myself, have my pick of women. I'm educated, Cambridge, you know. I come from a rich family and am quite exceptionally attractive. So as you can see it comes easy for me to get laid.

 As for all this serious relationship crap! I'm just not interested. It's a total waste of time. I mean, what happens? You start going out, learn all about each other and have great sex for the first two weeks. You think to yourself, "Great, this is working." Then, it goes downhill. Its little things…you know. She starts to want you to cuddle her after sex. Big no, no! I mean, I'm tired out! Then she starts leaving make up in your flat and items of clothing. Guys, you know what that's all about don't you. Well, she's marking her territory. Any girl coming to your flat and seeing all that crap knows you're with someone. But what I hate above all is when six months in to going out she starts to let herself slip. It starts with the bikini line. Maybe not getting it waxed as often. But it gets worse. Next, it's the legs. As you slide your hand up her legs, gone are the smooth, silky legs of your first night together. Yuck! There is nothing worse. Then, it gets all "Lets have a quiet night in, watch some videos, Daniel." She doesn't wash her hair for the occasion or put any make up on. It's just not good enough. Where did the effort go? Then you know it's over. She's getting too comfortable. Next, she'll be telling you she loves you. God, I'm actually shaking at the thought. I'm young. I don't want to settle down.

So, yeah. Life is good. I don't need a woman. I can have as much sex as I want single. And let me tell you, its good sex! Last night I brought this nice little honey from the accounts office back. She was dead eager to please the boss in more ways than one. Sorry, I stray from the point. I was arguing with a married mate the other day. He was saying that when you find the one, that's it! He said that your whole perception of women changes. And this man used to be a right shit to women. Now, I can't even get him in a strip bar. It's awful. That will never happen to me!

I sat at my desk the other day. I eyed one of the girls in the office. She'd come in that day late and was sat chatting on the phone. No doubt to one of her silly little friends. They are always phoning her about something or another. I contemplated what I thought of her as my next project. I did have my doubts. After the last time, I had decided not to screw the crew. You know, don't shag the payroll and all that. Well, people outside of my office were allowed. I didn't have to see them everyday. But should I go for this, Bridget one? I knew she'd be easy. Maybe she'd give me a blowjob in the toilets one day during my break. 

She walked past my office and looked in. She blushed. As she swiftly looked away I gazed at the short length of her shirt. I began to follow my usual assessment of potential ladies. Height? Yeah, tall enough. I won't have to crouch to kiss her. Yes, but just short enough to be able to lift easily. That's always better when you're in bed with a girl! Okay, now weight? Could probably do with losing some weight. Actually, I don't know. I quite like her curves. Hair is average. Though, that's not really important. Oh, stunning eyes! Well, that's not really important either but it helps if you have to introduce her to your mates. Yeah, good lips. Seems to be a good all rounder. Not perfect, but then who is? I began to type an email to her. Something flirty, but not giving her the impression I want anything more than sex. Yes, that would do. I pressed return. I returned to my work and my computer instantly told me I had a message. I laughed to myself. So she had a sense of humour. She obviously wanted to play along with my game. This looked promising. Yes, very promising.

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Hey all! Please feel free to review as you wish, bad or good! I am female, so I guess I got quite a lot of the male perspective wrong. I don't think all guys think like this at all. Its just that Daniel Cleaver is a bit of a different breed! Review now! It will only take a sec. Thanks for reading and I will update soon! Ax


	2. First date?

Chapter 2

What a brilliant weekend I had! How I enjoy living the single life. No one to ask where you've been all day or night. God, am tired. Totally hungover. Was out on a bit of a bender yesterday. Whoever said that Sundays were a day of rest? Met an old friend from university for lunch and didn't quite make it home to my bed! Yes, still got it in me. Pulled this very sexy third year girl at University. Don't think I'll see her again though. This morning, I made my excuses. Work is always good for that. Couldn't believe my luck when I left without having her number forced upon me. Maybe she didn't want me to phone her. Oh, how foolish, course she did. All girls are dependent like that.

Walked in to the office late today and couldn't help but notice that girl in my office Bridget ruffling her hair upon seeing me. I'm used to girls behaving like that around me. What can I say? I'm a stud. No, that sounds quite arrogant. Lets just say, the female race are drawn to me. I gave Jones' a wink in the direction of her skirt as I walked passed her desk. She giggled and flattened it. 

We emailed each other all last week. It turns out this girl does have quite a sense of humour. It's always a good sign when a woman can give as good as she gets. However, I am starting to get a little frustrated with all these back and forth emails. I swear, I email this girl, more than I do any work. It's time now though, enough beating around the bush. I'll ask her out for dinner when I'm leaving the office today. When no one is around. I can't have anyone knowing about this little affair. It would, most definitely lower my profile!

I wonder where I should take her. I mean, it's not really all that important. Suppose what the most important thing is whose house afterwards, mine or hers? However dinner is always good to sweeten them up first. It's fun too. I like getting to know girls. They're sometimes more fun to go out with than men. I would definitely say that girls are better conservationists than men. I mean, as much as I enjoy having conversations about sport twenty-four hours a day, it is nice to have a bit of variation. But don't get me wrong, only a little bit of variation. If you start hanging around with a girl too much she always tries to change your masculinity. Yes, she'll prevent you from going out with the lads or ask to watch a chick flick instead of your rugby. She'll remind you that you need your haircut and to shave. You start to wonder, do you think I'm female? Do you want me to start wearing makeup? It's just not on. Its things like that which remind me why I like the single life so much.

Anyway, where to go for dinner? Hmmm, I'm thinking a Mexican. She'd enjoy that. We can have some tequila slammers and all that before we go home. The perfect icebreaker. I think it will be a good night. Yes, that's what I'll do. That's set, now all I have to do is ask her out! Maybe I should just send her an email saying when and where. No, that would seem too arrogant. She might not understand the humour. I'll just catch her when I'm leaving tonight. Well, wish me luck, not that I'll need it. She won't say no!

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Ok guys, what do you think of this chapter? Review please and thanks to all the lovely people who reviewed the last chapter. I agree with loz, Introducing Marc Darcy is a good idea, cos you never really know what he's thinking in the film!


	3. My first refusal ever!

Chapter 3

Well! I don't know what to think! Just spoke to Bridget on the way out of the office. We were in the elevator. I felt her bum I might add. We left the elevator and I called after to have a chat. I nearly died of shock when she knocked back my proposal to go out to dinner that night. I'm really confused. What about all of the flirty email she sent me? What about the lingering looks she would give me on the way past my office? This has never happened to me before and I don't like it. Bridget should have jumped into my arms happily at my invitation. So why did she just smile, oh so smugly, and tell me she was busy tonight? I even asked her to see me the next night and she said she was busy then too. Humph! Well, it doesn't matter. It's her loss. She will only regret it in the long run. There are plenty of girls who are desperate to go out with me. Yes, I must go out tonight, get very drunk and find a nice girl to cheer me up. 

It just pisses me off though. To think, I had even booked a table at my local Mexican restaurant for tonight. I will have to remember and cancel that. Anyway, I shouldn't be thinking like this. I don't know why I'm getting so wound up. It was only about sex. I suppose it's because I just don't like being turned down. It's not about Bridget personally. If any other girl turned me down, I would be acting the same way. The problem is what do I do now? When I see her in the office she will definitely think she has one up on me. I don't know whether I should just go on emailing her anyway. No, I can't do that. She might think I'm chasing after her, or she might think I'm stalking her.

Okay, I believe I have just wasted five minutes of my precious time worrying about a girl. It stops now. I'm going to go into the office tomorrow and not bother with her. If she wants me, which she must, then she can email me. I might even flirt with a few girls in the office. Yes, that would really wind her up. Tonight, I'll go out, get very merry, forget about that Bridget and stroll into work with a renewed buzz about me.

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	4. New Dawn, New Day

Chapter 4 

Can't believe the way I was rambling yesterday. I seriously needed to get a grip. However, don't panic. I am over my bout of self-doubt. I decided not to go out after all. I phoned round my mates asking them all to go out on a lads night out, and they were either shacked up at home with their little wives or playing the sensible card and staying in because they had work early in the morning. What is happening to the male population? I didn't really mind though. It gave me a chance to chill out. I got a few beers in and watched tapes of last years cricket. 

It was at some point last night however that I understood what Bridget was doing. It was as I was sat reflecting on my day with my can of Stella Artois when I realised. She must be playing hard to get. I mean why would a silly girl from the office turn down me? It all made sense. Girls like to play the hard to get card. However, the girls I normally meet are very eager to say yes to me straight away. I guess Bridget must just be different. And, do you know what? … In a strange way, I suppose, I like her more for it. I find it quite sexy.

I walked in to the office today confidently. I felt fresh as I only had a few beers the night before and I was ready for a day dedicated to getting all my work done. I was planning not to even look at Bridget, never mind email her. If she wanted to play hard to get, then that's a game that I could play also.  I immediately walked to my office, stopping only to wink at the plain looking IT assistant and whisper in her ear for her to give me a printout of our accounts. The shy girl blushed at such close contact with me. I couldn't help chuckling to myself. I knew Bridget would dislike that. She would most certainly think I was whispering sweet nothings in the girl's ear.

Back in my office I slid my suit jacket off. That's the beauty of the glass windows looking in to my office, I was certain that Bridget would be watching. I rolled up my sleeves efficiently, trying to demonstrate that I was a busy man and that she would be silly to think I would let her turning me down effect my work. It all started well. I turned on my computer and started checking my emails for the day then got straight to work. Nevertheless, an hour later, I was bored out of my mind. 

Desperate for a distraction I looked over towards where Bridget normally sits only to find that she wasn't there. Bad thoughts ran through my head. I thought perhaps she was late this morning because she was out with another man the night before and was still in bed with him. I couldn't help thinking that she was taking advantage of the fact that her boss had asked her out to dinner. That did not mean she could walk in late!

I must admit, I was slightly stressed out. I walked over to where Perpetua, one of my assistants was sat. As I knew she was higher ranked than Bridget I demanded to know where Bridget was.

"Has she called in late?" I asked irritated.

Perpetua gave me an odd look back. "No, Daniel," she said with a patronising air. "She requested the morning off; dentist appointment or something like that."

Feeling relieved I went back to my office to get on with some real work. 


	5. Eye of the Tiger!

Chapter 5

Tonight, my good diary, will be a very efficient and valuable night for me. I firstly have a meeting with the senior director of my company. He seems to think I need some sort of rise. About time. Then I will be attending the Kafta motorbike conference. This could be good for me. Fantastic opportunity for networking. However, above all, tonight will be the night that I score with Bridget. Ok, so we haven't agreed to meet there or anything, but if I remember what Bridget is like once she gets a few drinks down her things should go my way. (I have memories of her at the last Christmas party dancing on the table and later edging out of the room with the photocopy room boy, looking seductively (in a drunken way)at me as she left. I'm sure it was to make me jealous. Or maybe I was supposed to follow. Sorry, not really my kind of thing Bridge!) 

I'm making an extra special effort to get ready tonight. I've been to the barbers to get a little chop. I bought a nice new shirt, she'll never be able to resist and I've got my pulling aftershave on. It hasn't failed yet. Women can't resist my manly charms anyway. I wonder what Bridget will be wearing. I wonder if it will be skimpy. At least I hope so. She'll be doing a short speech at the beginning of the conference. I hope it goes well for her, she's a good girl. 

Ok, plan of action for tonight. When I see Bridget, I'll simply wave casually over at her. If she wants to play hard to get she will soon learn that I am the master. I'll leave her standing alone for a sufficient amount of time to get worried. Then, I'll move smoothly in for the kill. This is slightly more exciting than a normal pull. With most girls the thrill of the chase is gone. At least with Bridget she tries to pretend she doesn't like me. Yes that's how I like it, I am the Tiger. Roooaar!! Tonight is going to rock!  


	6. The launch night

Chapter 6 

Well, well well. Isn't Miss Jones a fox in bed! Willing to do anything, she definitely went out of her way to please me. Though at first when I began to caress her thighs I was a little concerned to be faced with the ugliest granny knickers I have ever encountered. Watching her squirm with the shame was very comical though and she looked so cute. I hope it was just a one off. Of course, it wasn't as easy as I first thought to get her back to mine.

Business wise the night went well for me. I never like it when I have to suck up to boring, old, businessmen. Never know what to say to them. However, last night I was on good form in more ways than one. Bridget, however, did not appear to be having a good night! I saw her pretending to laugh at something George Hayton was saying. If that mans dull books are anything to go by the man doesn't have a funny thought in his head.

True to form, Bridge spent the first half of the night, ignoring me, drinking champagne and speaking to all of the big shots. I was fine with that. I try not to mix business with pleasure directly in front of my bosses anyway. My only concern was when I spotted her talking to that snob face Marc Darcy. I knew then that I had to get her out of building as fast as possible.

You see, I've known Marc for years. We met while I was at University. He always was a bit of a plonker, but we had a laugh from time to time. I always bet Marc to pulling the good-looking women. The man had no clue as to how to lure in the women. Useless at expressing himself. I mean, I tried to give the poor man some advise but it just never worked for him. Well, that is to say it never worked for him until we met Angela Harvey. She was the very studious type, missed big parties to stay in and study. Wound up getting a job as a barrister. Probably very rich now.

Now, to say that I always want what I can't have is a slight understatement! I was attracted to Angela initially but as I got to know her better I realised that she was such a tight arse and prude that we'd never get on. Marc Darcy, however, managed to woo the ice queen. They seemed like the perfect couple. And life was bliss for them for a while. They were engaged to be married, and a part of me was jealous as hell of their relationship. In fact, she all of a sudden seemed like a goddess. We'd go to dinner parties and I'd see her lick her lips and want to kiss her. She'd kiss Darcy and I'd wish it was me. I knew that I'd have to have her. So I did. As a matter of fact it all kicked off at their engagement party. We had a cheeky moment in the toilet.

So now you understand why I had to get Bridge out of the launch night. I strolled over to her and made the suggestion of going elsewhere for a bite to eat, of course I know it would turn out to be more than just going for some food. She licked her lips and agreed almost immediately with a cheeky grin on her face .I knew straight away that it was going to be a good night.


End file.
